Your city works very hard to bring the NCAA final four to town. You’ve long lost the luster of the best Midwest city. Corporations are pulling out in record numbers. This is a time of pride. A time to show the best you have to offer. The best time to poke fun at yourself and reinforce stereotypes? Um. No. But for Bernie Miklasz it’s the perfect time.

Bernie Miklasz is the big dog in St. Louis. He is one of two general sports columnists at the St. Louis Post Dispatch, the only newspaper in town.

When he busts out an article people read it because there are really no other options.

His article poking fun at St. Louis attempts at humor, but falls about as short as it gets.

Keep in mind that those of us in St. Louis realize where we fall in the pantheon of great cities. Our best times are behind us. With the nation’s attention on us you’d expect that Bernie Miklasz would brag about our town. He doesn’t.

Let’s look at three of his joking references:

“GAMBLING: You can visit one of our riverboat casinos, or bet the horses at nearby Fairmount Park. Or if you are really in the mood to take a big risk, put off dinner for a few hours and try to find a restaurant that stays open later than 10 p.m. “

Here Bernie seems to think that most of our restaurant’s close at 10pm with the reference that it’s a gamble to find something to eat. There are plenty of places open past 10pm in the St. Louis area including some of the finer eating establishments. This one is just silly and reinforces that we roll up the sidewalks at 10pm. This is Missouri not Iowa.

FOREST PARK: Site of the 1904 World’s Fair, which first introduced the ice cream cone to America. The World’s Fair also popularized a new culinary item, the hot dog — thus forever altering press-box cuisine forever. Subsequent generations of sportswriters have paid the price in excess pounds.  

Those who have never been to St. Louis don’t realize that Forest Park is the nation’s largest urban park coming in well ahead of Central Park in New York. Based on Bernie’s comments you’d think it was a patch of grass. Forest Park has the best free zoo in the country, the best free art museum in the country and a wonderful, new golf course.

HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE SPEAKING TO AN AUTHENTIC ST. LOUISAN: The person will be friendly, polite, courteous, classy, helpful, dignified. They’ll also ask, “Where did you go to high school?” It’s a Lou Thing. No need to answer.

Ok, he got this one right. For some reason we have the inane need to know where you went to high school. Many people think it’s used to find out where you sit at society’s banquet table. They are right.

Score: 2 out of 10