Family Jokes Set One

The panhandler approached Uncle Stanley. “Kin ya spare five bucks for a cuppa joe?” he said.

“Five dollars!” Stanley was taken aback. “Isn’t that a lot of money for coffee, my good man?”

“Well, i’11 tell ya,” said the bun. “It’s me wife’s birthday and 1 wanna knock off early.

“Who was that man I saw you kissing last night, daughter.’

“What time was it?”

There were three kids in the family … one of each sex.

The Wall Street man was standing at the curb when a friend from his old home town, whom he hadn’t seen in years, approached.

They embraced but the friend seethed mighty serious. “I’m awful sorry to tell you this,” said the visitor, “but your old and dear Aunt Cecily is in jail. “Glad you told me,” said the broker. “It’s good to hear she’s provided for.”

Every father was a kid once . . . and every mother is trying to make the neighbors believe she is still one.

The lifeguard approached the distinguished gentleman. “Sir,” he said, “I’ve just resuscitated your daughter.”
“What?” shrieked the gent. “Then, by God, you’ll marry her.”


Father got so angry he hit the ceiling, knocking large chunks right out. It was the first time he got plastered without going out.

Mamma’s yearning capacity is greater than papa’s earning capacity.

“I’m against liquor. That was the cause of my father’s death.”
“Drink too much?”
“No. A case fell on his head.”